A story 10 years in the making 
Growing up in a small town called Seaford I did not know or have any concept of being gay, there just weren’t any people like me. When all the other kids felt safe and nurtured I started to realise I was different. So like many gay queer people I built wall inside myself and I hid.
Only showing people parts of me that I thought would be accepted.
Section 28 and conservative views of the 80s & 90s did so much damage, being gay was a slur world at school and felt like a death sentence.
Luckily for me there have been many generations and LGBTQIA+ before me that have stood proud to slowly change hearts and minds. As an 1984 baby my generation seems to have straddled a time of great change for the community. We felt different and wrong, got bullied through school, made to feel less than our peers. Then we got to see the first gay kisses on tv, gay celebrities standing proud, sitcoms, pride protests becoming parades and widely loved, queer culture has started to develop and thrive in the open. And Gay marriage was legalised which is a huge step towards equality.
When I was accepted to be a potter on the Great Pottery Throw Down season 4 I took all my baggage with me, real and metaphorical including 2 weeks supply of dried noodles incase I was the token gay and the group was more conservative and traditional. It was an extra thing I was terrified about. We were the covid year and the first face I saw was Lee wearing a big pride rainbow facemask, then met proud lesbian Sally, so I knew I was among friends and the sense of relief was HUGE. It turns out we all helped each other to be the best we could be and somehow I found myself in the final making an Art deco set to mark 100 years of change. A punch bowl to celebrate all the good things in my life and which me and Dan would one day use at our wedding.
And we did! Being able to be openly gay and proud on TV was something I never thought would happen as a child! I barely even came out myself. I had almost resigned myself to going to university and then spending the rest of my days distant from family as a forever unmarried bachelor. When I was 22 I was run over by a car, I broke both my legs, nose, teeth and had mild brain damage, and amongst my visitors were my queer friends, so my family all found out while I was in a coma.
Since then I have been really happy and comfortable with who I am, we have even put on pride floats to be part of the protest. The LOVE BUS was a float with no sponsors or adverts it was just a group of LGBTQIA+ people sharing the cost and being Proud. My Dad and Sister even marched with us both times the LOVE BUS rolled which is a great feeling for a gay man to experience.
The Love Bus rode again for our Stag Do as it was our best man James who organised the Pride floats with me and Dan. And it was the experiences of pride, Throwdown and becoming comfortable in our own skin that made Dan apply for BBC One’s “Big Gay Wedding .”
We have a great life in Brighton where the bubble of equality is slightly more idillic than many places in the UK. We hold hands in public and I feel like there is a greater percentage of allies in any given part of the city than there is haters.
There is still a huge amount of change and acceptance needed to strive for equality in the community and any moment of visibility that is constructive and kind is vital to that. We are confident to be able to do that on TV surrounded by friends and family so wanted to do it bigger and better than we had ever dreamed.
Dan and I have been together for 10 years and engaged for 8 so we have always talked about the wedding. There’s just always something that means our savings have to go elsewhere. Last July was one of those moments where we had finally started saving again, our diary was empty and we started talking hypotheticals. Then one day Dan announced he had seen on Tom Allen’s Instagram a new show about weddings so he had applied. Fast forward a few weeks and we had a call choosing us to be the couple for show. Which needed a rough time scale of 10 weeks to organise everything.
The wedding was to celebrate the 10 year anniversary of the first gay marriage in England & Wales (so loads of preassure!) and it had to be to our budget.
Tom as our guardian angel would throw in a few surprises but nothing could be taken for granted so me and Dan had to get our skates on!
The venue was a real conundrum because everywhere was already booked. Because of the TV aspect we wanted it to look better than anything we could actually afford so needed to find that hidden gem. Dan’s sister (later our groomsmaid Lauren) suggested we view Trading Boundaries a beautiful antiques shop come restaurant, music venue, wine tasting venue, gym and crafts center in the countryside near Uckfield. Right next to National Trust spot Sheffield park where me and dan go engaged. It was a wild card I had never seen but felt good because it’s near where we got engaged and not far from Brighton and sounded quite arts and crafts which is very much me and Dan. We spent many years doing the Brighton artists open houses so love supporting local, hand crafted small businesses.
As soon as I saw it I knew it was the right place. Beautifully quirky and not the generic venue but still equipped with everything we would need. Across the lawn stood a beautiful handmade fabric Indian marquee that somehow gave a wonderful nod to Brighton Pavilion but in a wedding way. It was light and bright and on the day we visited the heavens opened with heavy rain that we barely noticed from within. We knew we would be looking at an October wedding so rain was quite probable.
Then we met the in house wedding coordinator Jenny. Who was just lovely and exactly what we needed, she explained wine, food and gave us a list of affordable catering. She listened to our needs and budget and gave us actually helpful advice. Jenny is exactly who we needed to meet in that day of stress and panic - if you have ever got married and realised that budget and logistics are not the friends of your wedding daydreams then you will know the moment I mean. Trading boundaries ticked every box and then a few more we hadn’t even thought of!
Knowing where we were getting married was a massive relief and venue, food and wine will take up pretty much all of your budget! So then you know what you have to work with for outfits, cake, flowers, entertainment, and decorating.
If you’re like me, decorating could easily become a life’s work! I could have used everything in several Hobbycraft stores quite happily. But we did not have the budget so that was the last thing we addressed and 95% we crafted and made ourselves.
It was our wedding so we wanted everyone to have fun, and it was on TV so we wanted it to look good too, it was also celebrating a milestone so it had to look like something our community could be proud of.
