"My hands moved by themselves.Don't think. Just trust in your hands.My hands had moved as if something controlled them.It felt strange, and wonderful."
Why do we clean though?
Because we want a tidy home?
But sometimes I also think cleaning for me is a form of ritual. It's repeated and predictable.
It's an informal mindfulness practice of sorts.
"It could be an unconscious reason why we gravitate toward cleaning in times of heightened anxiety.”
It helps me to deal with the anxious situation. My mind starts getting clear and wandering and I gain new perspective and thoughts.
Realize how lucky I am to have a home to clean up and a family that I love and care about.
But don't go overboard.
“The mental health benefits of cleaning can be reversed if cleaning keeps you from tending to more important things, or when you become consumed with getting absolutely everything in order.”
A big life change is around the corner for me and I can't wait to share it with you.
Humans are creatures of habit and routine. It's how we function. But at the same time I feel like homemaking is ever changing, even in the eventless daily lives. It’s a natural process of life that happens, whether we like it or not.
As we grow up and grow old, our priority and outlook on things shift and transform in a way that reflects the life experience that we accumulate.
One day we wake up and realize we don't need stuff that we used to love anymore. Or we need thing that we once found unnecessary. Routines that don't work anymore. We change how we feel every day based on our past, present, future, and even based on the changes that occur within our world.
For me, life changing decision comes with mixed feelings and extreme emotions.
It's new, it's exciting and it's scary. And getting over that scary part is tricky for me. Unlike T, what I love about him is that he's always so bold, daring and embraces those changes like a big powerful storm. But for me, I need time to explore and accept it gradually.
The anxiety always manage to find a perfect timing to kick in with "Does this mean I've made a terrible mistake?" or a whole lot of 'What if' scenarios.
We need to take a good care of our emotional well-being so that we've got the skills to cope with it. And ironically, using healthy habits as pillars to lean on.
Do NOT feel ashamed or guilty. We have to empower ourselves and others to share our stories. The battle with anxiety is not over, far from it. But we have to stop putting life on hold any longer and wait to feel “perfect.”
Embrace our battle and focusing on doing our best, one day at a time.
We need to remind ourselves that:
Our mental health problems are real and they are valid. We will not judge ourselves for the bad days when I can barely get out of bed. We will not make ourselves feel worse because someone else appears to be handling their mental illness better than we are handling ours. Recovery is not a competition.
So whatever you do, just keep fighting.
You're not alone.
At that very moment, while I was writing down these lines, an overwhelming sense of peace came over me. It felt (almost) physical, like I was "safe".
It comforted me.
I know that everything's going to be alright.
